HONESTY...

has become policy.

I have been really honest to everyone that has been frustrating me lately.
I just don't really care anymore.

I am closing alot at work.

Last night i got to cook a couple of steaks on the grill!

There is a new guy that works in the kitchen that transfered from austin.
He is really nice.

I really like the people at work now.
I hate my old home store now except for some of the managers.

I wish I made more time for things like...
reading
writing
drawing
cleaning-haha!
photography.

My friends and I went to target and stuck our memory card in a badass canon camera and took pictures. they turned out amazing!

I want one so bad.

I would also like to add on to my tattoo.

hmm i need to do some saving of the money.

LET THE SAVING BEGIN!

WORK SUCKED.

I will forever hate working as a server on Sundays.

Worst crowd and least money. ARGGHH.

These past couple of nights have sucked hardcore.

I will post something again.. tommorrow?

The Boys I Wish Were Men.

So this is Ex.

Ex and I dated for over a year.

We broke up. But we still aren't over.

I was always the single girl. I wasn't sure if I believed in true love and marriage. But there was something about him. We were finally introduced and we hit it off immediately. He gave me faith that I never thought I could have. He was kind of lost in life. He was smoking pot and drinking alot. He was going into the navy, because it is what his brother did, and he wasn't sure what to do, or if he could even do anythign else. He almost died the night I met him in a car accident involved with alcohol. I showed him the life he could have and he told me I was his angel. My heart was so warm with him. I fit with him in such an unimaginable way. Our connection was beautiful. Things went down hill. I have been giving him chances and I want our love to last, but I can't put myself in the place I was in before. He hurt me very badly. Broke my spirit and my heart. I did everything for him. Gave him every part of me. I dont know if we can ever get back to the good place. I will always love him though.

This is Navy Boy.

I met navy boy through his brother. We immediately got along great together. We hung out and enjoyed ourselves so much and formed such a connection together. He is the nicest person I have ever met. He is one of those people that just radiates beams of sunshine onto you when he is around. I only got to spend a short amount of time with him because he went into the navy shortly after we met. We never made it awkward or admitted our feelings really, but we both knew. I know he had to have known. But we have continued to communicate via phone, text, internet. I fell hard for him before I met my Ex. I always still felt something for him, but I just hid him away. He is the one person I am scared to come around. I am scared that if I were in a relationship, or if I got back with my Ex that I would completely drop it all for him. It's been almost two years. I wish I could just tell him everything...

These are the two boys I wish were men...

Tired of Games :(

So last night my ex came over and we had a good time, and the next morning things were fine,
but he became angry over something so ridiculously stupid and left.

We fought for a while and then I went to work.

I was already in a bad mood because of him.
& then I was in a bad mood because I was running late from not being able to stop cleaning. (ha!)

Then I saw him. Let's call him... Work Guy.

Work Guy and I started communicating via text message. We got pretty flirty up at work. Eventually we had this conversation about hanging out, both admitting that we had a thing for each other, and how it wasn't the best time to hang out alone because... he still had a girlfriend at the time, but they were doing bad, near ending bad. & I still had a boyfriend, but I knew we were about to kill our relationship. --(I know I sound like an awful person... but I promise I am not. I got treated like COMPLETE SHIT by my ex. Don't worry I never cheated on him.)--
So I devised a plan to have some people over after work one night & he came over as well. We ended up being able to talk alone about everything. We talked about life, work, and his issues,. my issues, goals, wants. You know the drill. He told me that he just had to get everything settled, and get the last bit of the semester out of the way and figure out some things. But he talked like we would have a chance of trying to get to know each other better and maybe try dating. I was so intrigued by him. and so attracted to him. I thought he was such an interesting person. & I wanted to show him goodness that gives you faith. We talked about how he doesn't believe in marriage. He looked at me.. like he was staring into my soul and said, "Maybe I just need someone to change my mind." The whole time he was smiling the biggest smiles I have ever seen on his face and he seemed so much happier than usual.. so I thought maybe I contributed to that, which made me feel good in my heart. We then finished off the night with him saying, "come here." and he gave me the best feeling hug ever. Not sexual feeling at all. Just a warm hug like "wow, you make me feel great about myself, and feel great joy in my heart, and a faith i never thought i would know." We talked on and off from there. He and his girlfriend broke up. they got back together. broke up more permanently for a while... and last night she came and ate in his section....on the one night i am off..so they are probably back together again?

So tonight at work I was not happy and everyone could see that. I am usually in such a cheery mood. I was rude to him a bit. I just apologized to him while writing this. I don't expect anything from him though.. I am trying really hard to go back to my old belief:
"Don't expect anything from anyone, and then they can't let you down."

I am just tired of people playing with my heart, and my mind.

Just be honest. Please?

My night got a little better when we died down, and I just got to relax and walk around singing and being a dork.

and when I found out I made more money than I thought! Yay!


P.S. I promise I will get better at this and I will put myself into this better. I will flow out my sarcasm and everything else much better soon.

It's a New Year! Hello, 2010!

"I wonder if I wrote a book about my life, if anyone would want to read it?"

One of my very best friends said that the other night, and it made me start thinking. I recently watched "Julie & Julia" and I thought about how she made a blog, and I decided to start a blog of my very own. I will display my thoughts and my stories. Who knows what will happen? I might start getting some viewers... and I might not! Haha, oh well!

So let's do a quick re-cap of the year 2009.

• Finished off my senior year of high school.
• & I spent it with the love of my life & my friends.
• Moved to another city with my twin sister.
• and the boyfriend moved at the same time right by us.
• Transfered over to the same restaurant, but in another city.
• Started my first year of college.
• Struggled with work & school & money & my relationship.
• Boyfriend moved back home.
• Work got good.
• Had the time of my life with my best friends.
• Relationship ended.(Still talking on and off with him.)
• Went to the Gynocologist several times.
• Found out I have high grade abnormalities that could result in cervical cancer. :( Scary.
• Did so horrible in school that I am not even going to tell you.
• Went through more stuff with boy :(
• Had one of the best Christmas' with my family.

I rang in the new years pretty well, and I have high ambitions and will start fresh with this brand new year.

2010 New Year Resolutions:

• To completely stop drinking Coca-Cola. I'm totally addicted. This will be hard.
• Eat healthier & stop going out to eat or get fast food so much... haha.
• Do so good in school that I will never be worried about it again.
• Start having good time management.
• STUDY, STUDY, STUDY.
• Resolve my relationship issues.
• Make more art.
• Sing in front of a crowd somewhere.
• Keep busting my butt at work, and show them the badass, but very good & friendly co-worker that got employee of the year at her home store.
• Make my apartment more "home-E"

So Just to get you up to date on everything thats been going on....

My ex-boyfriend has been trying to get back with me. We broke up, but you know it never really just ends like that when you have been dating for a year and a half. But now he is really trying to patch things up. But one night he made out with another girl cause he got drunk. It hurt me sooooo bad. Real bad. And I was at work closing when I found out. That sucked even worse. So I got over it. I decided to forgive & forget because it is Christmas and I didn't want to stress out about stupid stuff. We are still working on getting back together.

I LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS! I COULDN'T ASK FOR BETTER ONES!

We like to go to walmart and whataburger really late and act like fools. It's hilarious, and you would love to be friends with us. PROMISE :D

I will update soon. Let's see how this goes!