Tired of Games :(

So last night my ex came over and we had a good time, and the next morning things were fine,
but he became angry over something so ridiculously stupid and left.

We fought for a while and then I went to work.

I was already in a bad mood because of him.
& then I was in a bad mood because I was running late from not being able to stop cleaning. (ha!)

Then I saw him. Let's call him... Work Guy.

Work Guy and I started communicating via text message. We got pretty flirty up at work. Eventually we had this conversation about hanging out, both admitting that we had a thing for each other, and how it wasn't the best time to hang out alone because... he still had a girlfriend at the time, but they were doing bad, near ending bad. & I still had a boyfriend, but I knew we were about to kill our relationship. --(I know I sound like an awful person... but I promise I am not. I got treated like COMPLETE SHIT by my ex. Don't worry I never cheated on him.)--
So I devised a plan to have some people over after work one night & he came over as well. We ended up being able to talk alone about everything. We talked about life, work, and his issues,. my issues, goals, wants. You know the drill. He told me that he just had to get everything settled, and get the last bit of the semester out of the way and figure out some things. But he talked like we would have a chance of trying to get to know each other better and maybe try dating. I was so intrigued by him. and so attracted to him. I thought he was such an interesting person. & I wanted to show him goodness that gives you faith. We talked about how he doesn't believe in marriage. He looked at me.. like he was staring into my soul and said, "Maybe I just need someone to change my mind." The whole time he was smiling the biggest smiles I have ever seen on his face and he seemed so much happier than usual.. so I thought maybe I contributed to that, which made me feel good in my heart. We then finished off the night with him saying, "come here." and he gave me the best feeling hug ever. Not sexual feeling at all. Just a warm hug like "wow, you make me feel great about myself, and feel great joy in my heart, and a faith i never thought i would know." We talked on and off from there. He and his girlfriend broke up. they got back together. broke up more permanently for a while... and last night she came and ate in his section....on the one night i am off..so they are probably back together again?

So tonight at work I was not happy and everyone could see that. I am usually in such a cheery mood. I was rude to him a bit. I just apologized to him while writing this. I don't expect anything from him though.. I am trying really hard to go back to my old belief:
"Don't expect anything from anyone, and then they can't let you down."

I am just tired of people playing with my heart, and my mind.

Just be honest. Please?

My night got a little better when we died down, and I just got to relax and walk around singing and being a dork.

and when I found out I made more money than I thought! Yay!


P.S. I promise I will get better at this and I will put myself into this better. I will flow out my sarcasm and everything else much better soon.